| April
1st of April
1918 the RAF was
founded - 'I can't help feeling that I'm going to bomb
out on this speech of mine...
maybe it's because on this day
etc.'
2nd of April
1924 King George
V made the first broadcast by a reigning monarch - 'Better
people than I have had to make
public speeches today... because
on this day etc.'
3rd of April
1993 The Grand
National was declared void after two false starts - 'Errrrrr!
Emmmmmm! Now that I've made two
false starts to my speech I'm
allowed to sit down immediately ... on
this day etc.'
4th of April
1941 Coronation
Street's Jack Duckworth (Alias actor Bill Tarmey) was born...
'Please don't crown
me if I'm not too good...
remember, on this day etc.'
5th of April
1982 A Royal Navy
Task Force set sail for the Falklands - 'I was dreading this
task,
I knew I wasn't going to be on to a winner... especially
when I remembered that on this day etc.'
6th of April
Britains' first
pedestrian crossing was established in London's Parliament
Square - 'If you think that my speech is a bit pedestrian...
maybe it's because on this day
etc.'
7th of April
1906 Mount Vesuvius
erupted - 'What I'm going to say may not exactly be earth-shattering
but maybe this is just as well because we've already had enough
of that kind of thing... on this
day etc.'
8th of April
1986 Clint Eastwood
was elected mayor of Carmel - 'Maybe by the time I've finished
making a show
of myself up here I'll be gunning
for high places... do you know
that on this day etc.'
9th of April
1927 Charles Lindbergh
completed his first non-stop solo flight across the Atlantic
- 'It's a lonely feeling up here
but I guess it can't be as lonely as etc etc ... because
on this day etc.'
10th of
April
1917 Pulitzer Prizes
were introduced - 'I don't expect to get any prizes
tonight for my speech making abilities...
as I'm reminded that on this day etc.'
11th of
April
1929 Popeye made
his first public appearance -' If you think I look
bad can I remind you that ...
on this day etc.''
12th of
April
1961 Yuru Gagarin
became the first man in space - 'This is a definitely a day
for first-timers
like me... because on this day
etc.'
13th of
April
1931 The Game of
Scrabble was invented by Alfred Butts - 'It's not easy to
put the correct words
together on an occasion like this and I'm reminded that ...
on this day etc.'
14th of
April
1896 Abraham Lincoln
was assassinated - 'This is not a good day for standing
up in public... because
on this day etc.'
15th of
April
1912 The Titanic
sank - 'I wondered why I had this sinking
feeling all day... maybe it's
because on this day etc.'
16th of
April
Spike Milligan
was born today in 1936 - 'Ladies and gentlemen let me start
by coming sharply to the POINT
.. on this day etc.'
17th of
April
1927 The first
talking picture, The Jazz Singer, starred by Al Jolson -
'Ladies and Gentlemen 'picture
this'... on
this day etc.'
18th of
April
1929 The first
in-flight movie was shown - 'What I have to say to you is
very inconsequential
indeed, so let me start by saying something equally inconsequential...
on this day etc.'
19th of
April
1874 The first
Impressionist Exhibition in Paris - 'Even if I don't make
an impression
on you with my speech can I try and impress
you with my knowledge that... on
this day etc.'
20th of
April
1938 The Coelacanth,
a fish long believed to be extinct was found to be alive and
well - 'There's still hope for old
fossils like me... as
I'm reminded that on this day etc.'
21st of
April
753 BC Romulus
founded Rome - 'If you find that my speech is going on too
long can I remind you that Rome
wasn't built in a day, you know...
and on this day etc.'
22nd of
April
1933 The original
Monopoly game was invented by unemployed engineer Charles
Darrow - 'As you listen to my speech I would ask you to remember
that today is monotony
day! uh uh... maybe I got that wrong, the word I'm looking
for is Monopoly...
because on this day etc.'
23rd of
April
1901 The first
electric hearing aid was patented in New York - 'If you've
got one, my best advice to you is turn
it off ... on
this day etc.'
24th of
April
1942 Barbara Streisand
was born - 'Before I start I have to say that there's a woman
in the audience that looks stunning, she looks a bit like
etc ... do you know that on this
day etc.
25th of
April
1938 Hungary's
Laszio Biro invented the ball-point pen - If it wasn't for
him my speech would be much shorter!
... on this day etc.
26th of
April
1934 The first
Launderette, The Washateria opened in Forth Worth, Texas -
As I stand here feeling very insignificant
I'm reminded of all the other insignificant
things that happened... on this
day etc.'
27th of
April
1770 Captain Cook
landed at Botany Bay - 'The food
tonight is really wonderful. The flowers
on the table are beautiful and when I think of the two together
and I can't help being reminded that... on
this day etc.
28th of
April
1996 Dolly the
Sheep was cloned - I feel that I should warn you that the
person that you see here in front of you is not
really me at all... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
29th of
April
1986 Hailey's comet
made its last visit here until the year 2062 - 'I have this
deep-rooted inner feeling that I won't
be invited back here again in
a hurry, which reminds me that... this
day etc.'
30th of
April
1975 The Vietnam
War ended - 'As I soldier
on with my few words to you tonight I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
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