| March
1st of March
1455 Gutenberg's
Bible was the first book to be printed with movable metal
type - 'Today is definitely not a good day for speakers, it's
a day for bookworms... because
on this day etc.'
2nd of March
1555 Nostradamus's
book of predictions was published - 'I checked it before I
came here and he definitely didn't predict
that I would have to do this tonight ... on
this day etc.'
3rd of March
1969 Concorde made
its maiden flight -''I'm not the only one who is doing a 'first'
on this day ... because on this
day etc.'
4th of March
1867 John Barnado
opened his first home for destitute children - 'Oddly enough
when I was feeling destitute and asked to be
let in this morning they told
me I was far too old... on this
day etc.'
5th of March
1893 Shredded Wheat
became the first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal - 'I had a
wonderful speech prepared for you this morning but over
my breakfast I shredded it...
maybe it's because on this day
etc.'
6th of March
1889 - The NSPCC
was founded in London - 'Tonight, as I stand here in front
of you in Childlike
innocence all I can think of is the NSPCC... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
7th of March
1876 Alexander
Graham Bell patented the first telephone -' Today is a great
day for communicators
but, sadly, I have to confess to you that I'm not one of them...
on this day etc.'
8th of March
2737 BC Tea was
discovered by Chinese Emperor Shen Nung - 'Obviously he
never had to make a speech...
on this day etc.'
9th of March
1916 The first
Guide Dog for the blind was trained in Australia by the War
Dog Institute - 'As I stand here in front of you blindly
looking for suitable words to say... I'm
reminded that on this day etc.''
10th of
March
1801 Britain's
first National Census was carried out -' Can I warn you that
before I stood up to give my speech I
did a little census of how many
people are in the room and I plan to do another about half
way through, so if you are thinking of slipping out... maybe
it's because on this day etc.''
11th of
March
1885 Karl Benz
and Gottlieb Daimler built the first practical petrol-powered
motor cars - 'If anybody falls asleep I'm going to say 'Honk
Honk' ...
maybe it's because on this day etc.'
12th of
March
1935 Driving tests
were introduced in Britain - 'I've never given a speech before,
so I really should have a large L
plate on me tonight of all nights
... because on this day etc.'
13th of
March
1960 U2's Adam
Clayton was born - 'When I mentioned to somebody earlier that
I was going to speak tonight they looked at me in horror and
said U2!... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
14th of
March
1898 Marie Curie
invented the term radioactivity... 'Before I
contaminate everybody with my
words of wisdom (Or before we have a fallout
etc) can I mention to you that... on
this day etc.'
15th of
March
44 BC Julius Caesar
was assassinated - 'For the records I'd like to say that my
name is John, you see I was explaining to someone earlier
that I was scheduled to give a speech and he turned to me
in amazement and said 'Et Tu
Brutus'... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
16th of
March
1933 Polythene
was invented in ICI's laboratories at Northwich, Cheshire
- 'Tonight I'm going to wrap
up everything very quickly...
maybe it's because on this day
etc.'
17th of
March
St Patrick's Day
- Cead Mile Failte
(Translated as 'one hundred thousand welcomes') , 'Today I'm
opening my speech in the Gaelic Language because... this
is the day etc.'
18th of
March
Cosmonaut Aleksey
Leonov made his first space walk - 'I'm feeling a bit light-headed...
maybe it's because on this day
etc.'
19th of
March
1894 The art of
striptease was founded by 'Yvette', a Paris Music Hall dancer
- 'Now there's one thing I'm definitely
not going to do for you tonight...
on the off-chance that you don't
know, on this day etc.'
20th of
March
1901 The first
multi-story car park was opened in London - 'May I ask if
any of you had any difficulty
parking tonight? ... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
21st of
March
1963 Alcatraz prison
was closed - 'One of the many reasons why I
am able to be here tonight is
because... on this day etc.'
22nd of
March
1888 The English
Football League was founded - 'I have this ominous feeling
that tonight I'm going to put
my foot in it... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
23rd of
March
1904 Louis Rigolly,
a Frenchman, became the first man to travel at 100mph - 'If
you think that I'm going too
fast, let me remind you... that
today etc.'
24th of
March
1998 the film Titanic
was awarded a record 11 Oscars - 'I have a sinking
feeling that I'll be getting no Oscars
for what I am about to say... maybe
it's because they have all been given away on this day etc.'
25th of
March
1780 Bifocals were
invented by America's Benjamin Franklin - 'As I stand here
before you I can't help wondering why you all look
wonderful and my speech looks
dreadful ... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
26th of
March
1944 Diana Ross
was born - 'Today is 'Supremes'
day and I'm fortified by this
thought as I start my speech ... because
on this day etc.'
27th of
March
1901 Marconi made
the first transatlantic transmission - 'Today I'm reminded
that some people can make a huge
global impact by saying very
few words... like Marconi etc.'
28th of
March
1902 Frederick
Lanchester patented the first disc brake - 'Feel absolutely
free to stop me
if I go on to long, I won't be offended because... on
this day etc.'
29th of
March
1873 Levi Strauss
began producing blue denim jeans - 'I was tempted to turn
up tonight in my old faded denims
because ... on this day etc.'
30th of
March
1930 The planet
Pluto was discovered by US Astronomer, Clyde William Tonbaugh
- 'Tonight I am going to give you a heavenly
speech because... on
this day etc.'
31st of
March
1889 The Eiffel
Tower was opened - 'Today is a monumental
day, but regrettably not for me ... on
this day etc.'
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