| May
1st of May
1946 The fabulous
Joanna Lumley was born - 'Ladies and Gentlemen let me start
by telling you something fabulous
... on this day etc.'
2nd of May
1963 The Beatles
had their first UK number one hit - 'As I was putting my notes
in order and trying to chart
out what I was going to say to you, the thought occurred to
me that ... on this day etc.'
3rd of May
1492 Columbus arrived
in Jamaica instead of China which was where he was heading
for - 'If you find me wandering
off the point could I remind
you that... on this day etc.'
4th of May
1780 The first
Derby was run - 'Today is a great day for the human race...
because on this day etc.'
5th of May
1980 The SAS stormed
the Iranian Embassy in London - 'If you
don't like what I say I would
ask you to refrain from etc... because
on this day etc.'
6th of May
1994 The Channel
Tunnel was officially opened - 'When I woke up this morning
and remembered that I had to make a speech tonight I felt
like tunnelling
down under the blankets and not getting up... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
7th of May
1756 Nelson's Ship
HMS Victory was launched - 'I find that if I look at you,
like Nelson, with only one eye you're only half as scary...
maybe I'm thinking of Nelson
because on this day etc.'
8th of May
1938 Nescafe produced
the first instant coffee - 'If you only knew how many cups
of coffee I consumed when I was
preparing this speech ... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
9th of May
1916 German astronomer
Karl Schwarzschild developed the concept of black-holes -
'When they asked me to give a speech tonight I knew I was
in a bit of a hole,
but I had no idea just how black
it was ... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
10th of
May
1975 The first
images were received from Venus - 'When I look at all the
beautiful woman
in the room I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
11th of
May
1981 Sir Andrew
Lloyd Webber's musical CATS opened in London - 'As I was listening
to the gentle purr
of voices in the room before I stood up I was reminded that
... on this day etc.'
12th of
May
1911 The first
windscreen wipers - invented by Prince Henry of Prussia (no
less!) were fitted. - 'Does anyone else in the room get that
feeling that today is a good day for wiping
aside all objections? ... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
13th of
May
1926 Eric Morecambe
was born - 'I planned to start by saying something Wyse
but all I can think of is that... today
is the day that etc.'
14th of
May
1948 The Welfare
State was introduced in Britain - 'When I think of the condition
that I'm going to be in by the time I finish this speech I'm
delighted that... on this day
etc.'
15th of
May
1967 Holograms
were born (developed by physicist Dennis Gabor) - 'If
you don't like what I say, I
think it's appropriate that today, of all days, I remind you
that you can always look at it another way... on
this day etc.'
16th of
May
1929 The first
Oscars were awarded - 'Before I start I think I should
mention that... on
this day etc.'
17th of
May
1956 Boxing legend
'Sugar' Ray Leonard was born - 'I'd like to start by telling
you something sweet...
on this day etc.'
18th of
May
1964 The first
heart transplant was performed in Chicago, on a chimpanzee
- 'Before I make an absolute monkey
of myself I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
19th of
May
1954 The first
ever nuclear-powered submarine was commissioned - 'As I stand
here before you I can't help getting a sinking
feeling... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
20th of
May
1588 The ill-fated
Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon - ''Today is a great
day for discoveries
- like discovering
how desperately bad I am at making speeches and I'm reminded
that... on this day etc.'
21st of
May
1960 The oral contraceptive
was first introduced in America - 'I took some precautions
before coming here to speak to you tonight. I checked
the date and discovered that... on
this day etc.'
22nd of
May
240 BC The first
ever recorded sighting of Hailey's Comet - 'Today you are
going to hear about something very
rare, not from me of course but
do you know that... on this day
etc.'
23rd of
May
1498 Vasco da Gama
became the first European to reach India - 'I discovered
something very interesting today... do
you know that on this day etc.'
24th of
May
1941 Songwriter
and Folksinger Bob Dylan was born today - 'I'm going to start
by telling you something folksy...
on this day etc.'
25th of
May
1935 Athlete Jesse
Owens set an amazing six world records in 45 minutes - Tonight,
'I will be brief! I'm trying to break Jessie's
45 minute record... on this day
etc.'
26th of
May
1865 The American
Civil War ended. - 'If you feel like throwing buns at me can
I remind you that today is a day of peace...
because on this day etc.'
27th of
May
1941 The Bismarck
was sunk - 'As I stand here before you I'm consoled by the
fact that I'm not the only thing that was sunk
today ... because on this day
etc.'
28th of
May
1965 The first
views of Mars were obtained by American space craft Mariner
4 - 'They looked a bit
like this illegible jumble of notes that I have in front of
me... on this day etc.'
29th of
May
1953 Sir Edmund
Hillary and Tenzing Norgay conquered Mount Everest - 'When
I think of how hard it is for me to climb
on my feet in front of all of
you tonight I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
30th of
May
USSR Venera 7 made
the first landing on Venus - 'In honour of the day that is
in it, Ladies and Gentlemen, I think I must have planned to
make this speech in Russian...
at least that's exactly what my notes now look like to me
.. on this day etc.'
31st of
May
1967 Scientists
issued the first Global Warning - 'They
must have known that I was going
to speak on this day... because
on this day etc.'
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